Joke of the month

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the  problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and  on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.  
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!
Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said:
"This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
Bob thought for a moment and replied:
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf."

What a great country!

"Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to
a congressman can be up to 30 years in jail, but the penalty for a
congressman lying to you is another two years in office."

- Peter Schmuck (on Roger Clemens' indictment)

Life Instructions

If all the cells in all the living creatures have their genetic instructions that have been passed from a parent onto a child, who from and how did the very first cell got it's instructions as to what to do?

The Batle

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. 
  
He said, "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all."

"One is Evil. -  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."

"The other is Good. -  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied: "The one you feed." 

Advertising

"The art of convincing people to spend money they don't have on something they don't need."

- Will Rogers